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[Apr. 10th, 2008|11:23 pm] |
Hooooooooooly crap, depressed. In the gutter. Flailing around like a dead fish. Posting on LJ is the only real option I had, because nobody's going to listen to me at midnight, and why would I annoy somebody by doing so anyway?
You know you're upset when you have to find a corner in Morton to hide away in and console yourself. Not cry. I don't cry. Or at least try not to. Thankfully, I've succeeded this time around.
Nostalgia's a bad thing, because remembering the good things in your past only serves to remind you why they aren't around any longer. With my recent past.... well, let's just say it doesn't serve to make me feel any better about myself or my past actions.
I miss my past from years ago. I'm content with my present, but can't help but create dozens of "what if" scenarios to think about how I could be happier. Like, y'know, graduating on time.
The past is the past and it can never be changed, but damnit, I wish I could at least influence the results. Or at least have one of those machines from "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" and zap out the first two years of college. Despite obvious troughs, college before somebody hit the "little girl" switch was amazing, and without a doubt the greatest time of my life. I only wish I could recapture that feeling again. I guess that's the basis of my depression right there. Wanting something I can never replicate, as hard as I might try.
I don't want someone to make me happy again. I want to make myself happy. I don't want a significant other. I don't want dates. I don't want society to reassure me again. Surprisingly enough, I'm absolutely content and satisfied with my singledom of the past couple months, and honestly wouldn't change my status even if somebody just fell from the sky, because that would just be a return to my previous modus operandi. I just want to know how to be as happy as I once was, through my own devices.
What happened to me in Japan? I'll always wonder.
And I was doing really good at not falling apart too and turning into a depressed mess. Not since a few weeks into the semester.
Back to the paper o'doom. |
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[Oct. 4th, 2007|06:58 pm] |
Getting back into actual Japanese study makes Ed happy. Gotta pass the JLPT Level 1 before I graduate, which means tripling my vocabulary and actually bothering with kanji again, and the JETRO Business Japanese Test before I get around to my MBA.
A must-do for anyone reading Japanese on-line who uses Firefox (and I hope to god all of you use Firefox): Download the PeraPeraKun extension. Most of you know about Rikai, and what this basically does is extends the functionality of Rikai so that you can just go to any Japanese page, and have the reading and definition pop-up on mouseover, without having to go through the Rikai portal first. But the coolest thing about PeraPerakun is that it will export the EDICT (Jim Breen) entry for a word into a text file, so you can create vocabulary lists on the fly. I combine this with VTrain Vocabulary Trainer to make lists that are automatically converted into flashcard decks for each article I read. It's awesome, and saves a bunch of time that was wasted making the actual cards, instead of studying.
Lastly, I'm going to end up throwing down $500 on this electronic dictionary before I go back to W&M (which will certainly be next semester, BTW). My old one disappeared in the airport one day, and this one allows me to search any of the dictionaries by handwritten kanji input, which lets me off the hook for replacing the screen on my old Axim PDA that I only used for handwriting kanji. Also, it's got a crazy huge J-E dictionary, which will be more than enough for anything I throw at it.
Sad thing is that in a couple of years, I'm going to end up doing the same sort of stuff for Chinese too. >< |
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[Sep. 13th, 2007|02:30 pm] |
I get NHK 24-hour news on my cable!
I get NHK!
NHK!
So maybe it's not the coolest Japanese TV station, and it's pretty much the equivalent of Headline News brought to you by the Japanese government, so nothing but news, but damnit, I get some form of Japanese TV to work on my listening. (You'd think ANA would do that, but ANA only gives me a small slice of Japanese practice i.e. complaining).
Woo!
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 17th, 2007|07:20 pm] |
Relearning/reviewing four years of high school math (algebra to precalc/trig) in a week isn't really hard, but very very tedious.
I feel like I have a claw instead of a hand. |
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[Jun. 23rd, 2007|09:01 am] |
My quest for self-improvement will not be complete until I have a voice similar to that of Elliot Yamin.
So it is said, so it shall be done.
Also, has anyone seen my cell phone? Seriously, I need my phone. Need. I just wish I had such an overwhelming need to carry my cell like I did in Japan that I would literally go back from the station (a 15 minute walk) to get it if I forgot it in my apartment. Maybe then I wouldn't lose things.
Speaking of a lost cell phone, could anyone who has Sarah Ilk's number mail it to me? I'm supposed to drop by her place this weekend, and my only way of contacting her is by cell, and her number is only stored in my phone. Thanks! |
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[Jun. 18th, 2007|08:47 pm] |
The lady manning the front desk at my gym didn't bother to swipe my card today, citing that she "sees [me] here all the time anyway."
I can't tell if this is a testament to my motivation or a sign that I could probably tone down the whole fitness thing.
Of course, it also might be a sign that my parents need to finally pay the gas bill so I don't have to go to the gym just to shower. Maybe.
On another note, first paycheck in what seems like months that doesn't go directly to paying bills! Woohoo! Right into the hands of American capitalistic merchandisers instead! (And the people who publish The Economist, cause I love my weekly dose of international political geekdom, and I think the people at the Air France lounge might figure out I'm swiping their copies)
Damn my consumerism. Damn it to hell. |
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[Jun. 13th, 2007|10:11 pm] |
I was going to post a semi-long entry about my latest conundrum with the thought of marriage, and how scary of a concept it was for me, not because of any fears of commitment, but about so many of my own peers getting married at our age and what that means about my own maturity. Instead, I'll give you the long and short of it.
OMG I'M ONLY TWENTY ONE DON'T MAKE ME THINK THAT HARD.
I think it's just the idea that one of the next people to announce an engagement could be one of my exes, and the simple idea of given enough time (and a great deal less of being an immature twit), that could have been me instead scares the bejeezus out of me. |
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[Jun. 12th, 2007|02:07 pm] |
Okay. New addition to the "Hope never happens again" list: Realizing that at the bottom of a squat (where you hold a weight bar against your upper back and well... squat down and back up), that you can't go back up again, not without at least letting loose a mighty scream of pain and probably causing a muscle tear. Those few precious seconds were your muscles are being slowly torn apart and you're trying to decide what to do are... painful, to say the least.
I dropped the bar against the safety rails. >< What followed was what had to be an amusing waddle around the weight area.
I finally scheduled a consultation for LASIK in two weeks, so heavens willing, soon after I'll have the procedure done and I'll be free of the shackles of severe myopia before the semester begins! I've waited far too many years for this surgery.
Month is flying by, wow. Next thing I know, back to Williamsburg for me. |
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[Jun. 3rd, 2007|12:28 pm] |
Self-realizations are a strange mix of good and evil, especially when they mean you've been a complete jackass when you thought you were just being a normal human, but yet they encourage change.
Today's lesson: Emotional abuse is just as hurtful and wrong as physical, but it's a lot harder to realize you're doing something wrong. It's also a lot easier to justify your actions if you don't think about the emotional consequences they bring about in other people, because they're not obvious at first glance, unlike, say, a black eye.
Unfortunately, I've caused many an emotional black eye without even realizing. |
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[May. 25th, 2007|09:21 pm] |
Please read this if we've had any significant interaction in the past.
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[May. 24th, 2007|02:46 pm] |
Week got off to a depressing start, and life keeps punching me in the gut since then. :(
Preemptive apologies to all those just graduated and are entering the real world, but I really miss the college life. Despite all its' stresses and setbacks, they just seem minor in comparison.
However, looking at the silver lining, I guess I've improved somewhat, in that I haven't gone fetal yet like I would have a year ago.
Alas, nothing to do besides grit my teeth and bear through it. Oh, and bitch on LJ. :) |
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[May. 4th, 2007|12:42 pm] |
If I'm ever incredibly wealthy, or otherwise a big deal, I hope I never turn into one of the incredibly snobby and rude people I had the misfortune of meeting last night at Asia Society's Annual Dinner. Ugh. Since when does being wealthy or powerful mean you have the right to be a complete jerkface? Especially that one Ambassador who left the dinner in a huff because he wasn't assigned a table when he arrived, like nearly 25% of the guests.
Thankfully, some of the people I met were very kind and friendly, which makes up for my displeasure a little.
</div> |
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[May. 2nd, 2007|11:45 am] |
So I gave notice that I plan to leave ANA next week. The final straw was being told that my Japanese wasn't "polite enough" and maybe I should stick to English.
Considering using Japanese was the only reason I had to stay, well. Goodbye ANA. Getting paid $10/hr to speak 3 different languages and incur that much stress should be a crime. I have a job interview tonight to work as a server at a Japanese/Chinese restaurant, and the guy seemed happy to hear I had experience in Asia, so hey. |
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[Apr. 23rd, 2007|07:35 pm] |
Also, might get to go to Tokyo next month for about a week for a business conference put on by Asia Society. Just have to convince my parents to let me use the frequent flier miles. Please oh please.
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[Mar. 21st, 2007|08:42 pm] |
Working in another language is so stressful.
When I lived in Japan, any weaknesses in my Japanese could be overcome with enough time, as there usually wasn't a huge pressing need for the conversation to be completed quickly. However, knowing you could accidentally send someone's luggage to Singapore because of a slip-up you made while trying to converse in a language you're not fluent in... well, that puts a little stress on the situation, especially when you're under time constraints and trying to jumble through a mess of boarding passes, passports, e-tickets, and what have you.
And having an insanely scary Japanese woman correcting your every move in Japanese doesn't help either. ><
However, once I don't have a native Japanese speaker to turn to for help, I expect my Japanese to get much better.
Also, my boss is a player.
I also got fitted for my ANA uniform today. Oh man. I think all the trouble I put the sales people through in Japan with my broken Japanese is coming back to bite me in the ass. What's funny though is that my suit I bought for teaching in Japan, which I currently wear until I get my uniform, looks exactly like it, save the ANA buttons. Japanese got a thing for pinstripes, apparently.
Finally, apparently without my realizing it, I've started bowing in totally non-Japanese situations. My boss at Asia Society called me on it while I was talking to her about the things I was working on, as I apparently bowed throughout the entire conversation without noticing.
Wow.
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[Mar. 14th, 2007|10:52 pm] |
For those of you who study Japanese, remember all that vocabulary and keigo that you learned and promptly forgot, because they're only used by customer service people and are waaaay too polite for 98% of conversations and thus never practiced or used them outside of class?
Yeah, the Japanese I use at work uses all of that. Kind of funny, cause I used keigo all of two times outside of classroom in Japan. I get to pretend I'm a uber-polite and happy-go-lucky Japanese customer service guy....
oh, wait. I am. |
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[Mar. 12th, 2007|10:59 pm] |
Stepping into the All Nippon office makes me feel like the door is some magical portal back to my old office back in Tokyo.
Seriously, with all the Japanese being thrown around, the matching uniforms, and the layout, it's like being in Japan again. It's a really strange sensation.
Oh, so yeah, I'm working for All Nippon Airways, better known as ANA, now. My Japanese is proving not good enough for this at all. |
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[Mar. 8th, 2007|07:59 pm] |
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From one of my alum contacts at Booz Allen:
Ed: did we ever really get to talk--I know we had a couple of missed phone calls. If we did, my apologies for not recalling clearly. If not, please let me know, and let's try to talk soon. I'm available over the weekend and fairly open Monday and Wednesday of next week. Since our College President is not doing so much to help the image of the institution and your career prospects, I'd certainly like to. Regards, Jason
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I think this is the first time my moral beliefs and principles have ever really had to take a backseat to social advancement.
Still. Argh. But, no reason to jump up and berate him for his beliefs, especially since he is trying to help me. I just find it kind of odd he stuck that in there, not knowing how I felt about the issue.
Also, interview with HR people went well; I have an interview with ANA directly on Saturday. Everything looks good so far, though.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) spunky_bassist, I promise I will get back to you on your questions. Just haven't had time to think about what you asked. But as for the apartment, I grew up in the DC area, so I'm bumming off the parents. Sorry. :(
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